Love, Lust and heartbreak BxE JxR cullens
by MissyMoo95
Summary: the story of bella and edward. my way. rated M for possible lemons later. mature readers only please. starts with bella and edward but swtiches through the story to the other cullen couples and eventually jacob and nessie. if i get that far. :


Choices

BPOV

**DISCLAIMER. I DO NOT OWN ANY PART OF TWILIGHT OR ITS CHARACTERS. IT ALL BELONGS TO STEPHANIE MEYER.**

**My writing inspiration is from Johnnyboy7 who got me hooked on his story, The Half Vampire Chronicles.**

It was midnight as the rain started pouring down the window pane of my bedroom. I had been laying on my bed since 8.00 in the afternoon trying to de-stress myself. I wasn't sure how to feel. Happy, sad, angry, emotionless?… more than one thought swirled its way around my head. I hadn't had a decent sleep in a few days, mind you that was only because I was stuck with a tough decision that I couldn't cope with. I spent so much time thinking over what had happened in the past few days. Jacob had run off because I wanted Edward and not him, which killed me inside because I did love Jacob- just more like a brother, and straight after Jacob left, Edward proposed to me. He said that was the only way that he would allow me to become a vampire- and it was also the only condition he had for us to have sex. I mean I love Edward so much, and that would never ever change- but, I'm just so young! What would everyone think if I got married? Mum would have a fit, not to mention Charlie. The Cullen's love me so there is not problem there. But then there's Jessica and mike and everyone else too. All I wanted was to become a vampire so that I could be with Edward forever. Marriage can come later, right? Wrong. And the whole sex situation was really grinding on my last nerves. I mean I respect that he wants to wait until marriage but sometimes its just so hard to resist. He agrees with me on that at least, but he still never changes his mind.

All of those thoughts replayed in my head until Edward finally came back from his little hunting trip. He lightly tapped on the window to alert me. I jumped, slightly startled by the tapping because I usually left my window open so Edward could just come and go as he pleased. Maybe I dozed off earlier and Charlie closed it when it started raining? Oh well. I silently jumped off my bed and unlocked the latch on the window. Edward quietly lifted it up and climbed through.

"hello love. Sorry if I woke you, I was just a bit worried that I might alert Charlie. I checked his thoughts and he is still up watching TV downstairs."

Edward smiled my favorite crooked smile and then leant down for a kiss. I happily returned it, thoughts still running through my head at top speed.

"its ok you didn't wake me. I was just thinking."

my facial features must have given something away because Edwards expression changed from 'I'm so happy to see you' to 'oh my gosh are you ok?' in less than a nano second. Darn my easy to read-ness.

Edward raised his hand to meet my face. He smoothed out one of my stubborn frown lines that appeared on my forehead whenever I was worried or angry. Now I was in for it.

"what's wrong Bella? Are you ok?" Edward seemed really concerned and I didn't want him to worry any more than what was necessary, so I sat on my bed and got under the covers where Edward quickly followed me.

"I'm fine Edward honestly. I've just had a lot on my mind. that's all. Nothing bad. There's no need to worry about anything." with that I nodded my head.

He smiled at me as if I were a naive child. I blushed a little.

"tell me what your thinking. Please?" he looked at me with his crimson eyes. I practically melted. God the things that boy does to me.

"I was just thinking about our little arrangement. And Jacob. And everything else that has just happened. that's all. Nothing bad." I smiled at him. I watched as his face went from mildly interested to slightly disappointed.

"oh. I understand." he forced a small smile then turned his attention to his hands.

I immediately felt horrible because I knew what he wanted me to be thinking about. Our wedding, and me accepting his proposal. I had been thinking about them, but I still wasn't sure.

I reached for Edwards closest hand and intertwined our fingers. I laid my head back onto my pillow and turned to face my angel. He looked at me in the eye as I spoke.

"I still love you more than anything in the entire world. Always know that. But, I just don't know if I can go through with marriage right now. I mean, what would Charlie and Renee say? Not to mention the kids at school. I'm 18 for Christ's sake." I said in a cheerful way.

Edward once again smiled a little, and though it wasn't forced this time, it still wasn't genuine.

"Bella all I want to do is be with you. For the rest of my life. Just you and me together. Do you know how much I would love to call you Mrs. Cullen? And I know how much you want to be a vampire too, so its basically a win win situation." he smiled a little again still boring into the depths of my eyes. We were playing with each others fingers at that point.

"I know I feel the same. But still, what about everything else? Jacob? My family?" I furrowed my brow again.

"Bella honey, you knew this day would come and we both knew it was going to be hard, But if we are going to be together, we are both going to have to make some sacrifices. I still want you to wait a little longer so that you can live your life as a human for a bit more before you make me turn you into a vampire. I don't want you to regret making that decision." he looked at me seriously and I swear I could've jumped on him and taken him then and there, if I didn't already know there was no way he would let that happen.

"And that is why I asked you to marry me. To slow you down a little so that you could enjoy life while it lasts."

Well duh Edward, I already figured that out. I inched a little closer to him and he mirrored my actions.

"I know Edward, but I seriously don't have anything left to live for. Except you of course. Which is also tied into our arrangements let us not forget." I raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned at my stubbornness.

"yes I know Bella. You made that little detail hard to forget. On purpose too." we both smiled and giggled a little as I felt most of the stress and strain flow out of my body. I felt his cold chest against mine as we continued to inch evermore closer to each other.

"I love you Edward Cullen. don't you ever forget that."

With that he kissed me. Passionately too. I reached my hand up to his head full of gorgeous bronze hair and ran my fingers through it, tugging lightly now and again. I felt his hand move to the small of my back pulling me closer still to him. I knew this would be just another make out session that lead to nowhere interesting, but I still loved every second of it. And there was no reason as to why I couldn't try to get my way again, right?

My other hand drifted around the back of his neck pushing him closer to my face. He licked the bottom of my lip asking for entrance, which I happily granted and we massaged each others tongues. A short moan escaped from his beautiful lips, which made me gasp a little then dive further into his mouth. I hitched my leg up over his waist and he didn't stop with his actions. Man he's a tease.

I felt his other hand grasp the back of my shoulder as we rolled over so that I was laying on top of him. We looked in each others eyes momentarily until we started kissing again. I felt his hands roam all over my back which made me crazy. We both let several moans escape our lips. Luckily we weren't loud because I heard Charlie snoring away down stairs. I guess he passed out watching TV.

Suddenly I felt Edwards hands on the back of my thighs. He usually stayed away from there. I guess he was testing his limits. And mine. Tease. I still loved him though. I moaned in anticipation and straddled his waist, which he mustn't have like because he immediately flipped us over so he was on top. Oh well.

I let my hands roam his back and twice I tested his limits and pinched him on the bum. He giggled the first time but the second time he said my name in the sexiest way. Tease tease tease. I smiled into our kiss and continued. I suddenly felt his hands on my stomach. Still testing limits I see. Huh. Oh well I'm still happy J. with that he sat up on his knees panting for unessicary air.

"I'm getting a little hot. Do you mind if I take off my shirt?"

of course I didn't. but if his shirt was off then my blanked would have to be between us so that I didn't die of hyperthermia. Damn. that's a buzz killer. But oh well.

"no not a problem," I gasped, still a little short of breath as I reached for my rug. I watched him as he removed his shirt to reveal all the splendor that was Edward Cullen. Ah. Swoon. He helped me tuck the rug in around me before he started planting little fairy kisses all over my face and neck where he dwindled for a little. I didn't mind thought. I knew he liked to listen to my pulse. It reminded him of when he was human, and he said it also helped him get used to being around me more. Although he said that my smell didn't bother me anymore I knew it still did. But he thinks he can handle it so I trust him.

He leant back against my pillow still cradling me in his arms and began to sing my lullaby. I slowly drifted off to sleep, the last words I heard were "I love you Bella".

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** if you like it then I will try and write another chapter before Wednesday ^_^**


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